The Debate

I seem to be overwhelmed with feeling good, bad, and everything in between. I guess I’m sort of justified in my feelings but it’s making me feel crazy and I feel bad that Alex has to deal with my different moods. Some of my mood swings come from being on medication, but I’m staying on the medication until I run out because I don’t want to be in physical pain along with the mental pain. I don’t feel as depressed as I did last time but that is partly from the medication too. I’m scared that once I run out the medication the depression will hit and that freaks me out. I have an issue of being a planner and I feel like I have nothing to plan for right now. We had so many projects going on in the house to prepare for having a baby that I’m not sure what to do about those projects. I am still in school trying to finish before the end of the summer but I’m going to take some time off after the class I’m currently taking. I need a mental break or I’m going to get overly stressed. I’m going to try going back to work on Monday because there is just so much to do there and hopefully the distraction will be a good thing for me. I hope it won’t stress me out too much to be back at work so soon. Alex keeps telling me I need to relax but I’ve never been too good at relaxing. I worry too much about everything. I guess I’m kind of venting now… so… on to something else….

I have learned more about the procedure I would have to go through if we get pregnant again and honestly it is really kinds scary. I would have surgery and have my cervix sewn shut called a cervical cerclage when I got to 12 weeks of pregnancy then I would be on bed rest and if I got to 36 weeks the cerclage would be removed. This means I’d be on bed rest for almost 6 months, and considering I don’t see myself being able to afford to not work I don’t know how that will happen any time soon. The other problem with the procedure is that many women still have early term labors, the hope is that I would get to at least 28 weeks. So, the debate after our year break is over will be should we try to get pregnant again or should we consider adoption? I vote adoption more immediately and try for pregnancy later when Alex has a better job, but we’ll see what happens.

Well, now you are all aware of the decision making we have to look forward to in the next few years. Oh, PS each time we get pregnant we will have to go through the same procedure each time. Have fun thinking about what we might do.