Saturday, June 25, 2011

Look Out Point

You know how when you take a road trip some place how there is often "look out points" along the way. I'm usually so interested in getting to my destination that I don't stop. I do however, always seem to look over the beautiful land that is on display at those look out points. It seems to me that taking a drive to see the look out points would be a fun and rewarding road trip. I think our life is the same way. We're usually so busy trying to get to the next destination we forget to look at the beautiful think all around us. I have also thought of those points as a time to reflect. Although my life hasn't always been like the newly paved road and sometimes it way need some pot holes filled it has been a fun ride none the less. I've taken this week and this post to do some reflecting and to try to stop at my own look out points and be amazed at all that I have been given.

I have been so blessed to have an AMAZING family. I literally couldn't ask for a better family for me. My parents have taught me well and have always been there for me. It is also amazing to me the close friendships I have with each of my siblings, their spouses, and their kids. It is so rare that we all get along so well and even when we don't agree we are able to move past that and strengthen each other. Alex being the most important person to me has given me such strength and when times are difficult he is there for me to lean on. Second, I have been blessed to live in a free country where I may not always agree with  my leaders but at least I can make choices in my life and know I will be protected by my freedoms.

I believe my biggest blessing is the knowledge I have been given, I have been able to learn so much on so many levels. Most importantly the knowledge I have in my religion knowing who I am, where I came from, and why I'm on this earth is something that can't be bought. The testimony I have has taken my whole life to develop and grow and I'm always learning so I can be a greater asset to my Lord. Also, the 'earthly' knowledge I have. Alex and I often talk about how I just seem to know and remember things. I never really learned how to study and yet I'm more than half way through with my MBA it is amazing that I am able to recall the things I need to at the right time. I love learning on all levels. Life's not always easy and sometimes when we have struggles it is important to stop at our own look out points and remember all the blessings we have been given.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"Are We There Yet?"

I just had a few more thoughts for the day. I wanted to explain this weight loss challenge my family is doing. There are several of us who decided we need each others motivation to help us lose the weight we need to in order to be a healthier family. Each Sunday we all get together at my parents house and weigh in, the person who had the biggest % of weight loss get a $1 from each of the other people participating. It's been a great motivation for me and kept me wanting to win and doing a much better job at keeping my sights at the "end of the road".

My other thought has nothing to do with weight loss. I am working at being more positive about my life and the trials I have been through. I do have to say that it seems the updates I see the most on facebook are from my friends who are pregnant and those little "weekly" updates on how far along they are. While I'm so happy for them it is a little overwhelming to see on a daily basis when you are trying so hard to have a family and for some it looks to be so effortless. I actually wonder if they realize what a blessing it is to be pregnant and have healthy kids. (I'm just saying' kids aren't always easy but if you have them be grateful for them!)

Monday, June 20, 2011

2 More Miles(tones)

Well, I lost 2 lbs this week. I can't believe the past few weeks have felt very easy when it comes to losing weight. I think it's just the tender mercies because other live events have been difficult for me.... i.e. School. It's just awesome to be getting healthier and over come my food addiction. This is the start of my healthy part of life. I also hope being healthier will help me get pregnant and have a full term healthy pregnancy!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Road Closed

Okay, so, here is a little background about me and my life. It's important to know the purpose of why this blog is important to me. Lets start with when I was younger. Although I had a great childhood and teen life there had always been one problem for me. My weight. I have always been one of the "big" kids and although I was also a tall kid I've been heavy for most of my life. I can't blame anyone but myself and my lack of good eating and lack of exercise. I always liked TV and just sitting around. I was alright at some sports when I was younger and I even took some weight lifting classes in High School but alas I am still to this day over weight. I'm not the biggest person I know but I'm not as health as I should be either. Also, this past year has been a big trial for me and I've gained a lot more weight that is now making my weight annoying to me. So... that bring me to a big part of what I'll be sharing on this blog. I am currently doing a weight loss program 'Weight Watchers'. It has been working so far, I've lost over 16lbs in the past 2 months. So, I'll share the every day struggles of losing weight and how I work through it.

Second is the other main reason I feel this blog is important. Last December I lost a baby at 20 weeks into the pregnancy. It's been a difficult experience and has not been too fun to say the least. I'll share my story  here and hopefully help others who have pregnancy issues. I've found there isn't a lot out there online for people in this situation, it's important we help each other out.

So, here's the story of the past baby drama. (Sorry, I use comedy to lighten the mood) Anyway, when I was about 19 I found out I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrom) "Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems." ( Well, I was told at that time that it could make if difficult for me to get pregnant later on in life. So, only a month after Alex and I got married we decided we should start trying to have a family. We didn't think I would get pregnant very quick because of the PCOS, we didn't even know if I would get pregnant at all.

Needless to say we were TOTALLY shocked when after only a few months I was pregnant. It was a very exciting time for us I couldn't believe it had happened. It was hitting the end of summer and I would have a baby just after I turned 26. Being pregnant wasn't as fun as I had planned one. I ended up having crazy bad 'morning sickness' which meant nearly all day I was sick for months. I even missed time at work because there were days where I couldn't even get out of bed without being sick. I lost about 15 lbs during two months of being pregnant. Finally, fall hit and it was the end of October and the first three months were over and the sickness was getting less and less. I felt I was out of the clear I thought everything would be just fun until April. I even had the energy to make Thanksgiving pies.

The week of Thanksgiving we went to the Dr. for the ultra sound to tell us the sex of our baby and weren't even surprised to find it was a boy. Alex and I were just so excited to be having a son and I could already tell he was going to be like his father. Then on December 5th the most devastating thing happened, my water broke. As soon as it happened I felt like my mind left my body. I knew it was over, I knew there wasn't anything I could do, I knew my son was gone. Alex rushed me to the hospital and although the ultra sound showed our sons heart beating still they said there was nothing they could do. He wouldn't survive. They admitted me to the women's center and gave me some medication to finish the labor process. I had to give birth to my dead son. The morning of December 6th I finally gave birth to our tiny little boy. Just as the Dr's though his heart had already stopped beating. He was gone and yet holding him I felt like part of me had been taken away.

Alex and I spent that day holding him and trying to comfort each other. It is something I wish upon no person. When we left the hospital that evening we left our son behind and part of my heart. That next week was a blur of sorrow. I've never felt so lost and alone and sad and helpless. I took the next few weeks off work to recover and had lots of time to think and cry. Four weeks later I visited with my Dr and she said they didn't find anything wrong with our son or me. So, we don't know how that will play into our future.

It's been 6 months now and although I still cry often because I'm still missing a part of me I've found hope in the future. We're trying to figure out where to go from here. Getting pregnant hasn't been as easy and who knows if it'll happen again and if so when. We've talked about adopting but can't really afford it, we want to be foster parents but I guess we live in the wrong county. It's been a bumpy road with HUGE blasting zones but that part of our life is past, that road is closed and we're looking at alternate routes. Hopefully with smaller blasting zones.

First of Many

So, I've been debating on doing a blog about the past year or so and I finally feel like it's the right time. There's been a lot to talk (or write) about and maybe something I put on here will help someone else out! Or, maybe it'll just be good therapy for me. Either way, it'll be an experience.

So, why "Blasting Zone Ahead"? Well, first off life is kind of like a blasting zone because you are going to have difficulties and you never know when they'll hit. In the past year I have has some crazy life experiences that I believe are worth sharing. Also, I LOVE comedy and there is a joke by my favorite comedian that talks about "Blasting Zone Ahead". Brian Regan anyone??? Anyway, if your haven't heard it listen to it and if you have I suggest a re-listen in the near future. I have found that comedy can help us get through our own life blasting zones. It's what has kept me a bit sane in the last year.

Well, I'll be sure to write more in the near future. I'm still learning how to set this whole blog thing up so be patient with me as I learn and I hope you enjoy!