Friday, August 8, 2014

Road Repair

I can't believe its August already! I feel like this year has flown by for our little family! Daren is growing up so fast. I haven't had a lot to write about the past months so my blog has suffered. However, I watched a video this morning that really got me thinking.

First, let me say I LOVE my son with every fiber of my being. I feel that everything that happened in our marriage that had to do with having kids and where to live lead us to be his parents. He's the most amazing child and I can't imagine my life without him. I assure you we were ALWAYS meant to be his parents.

This is the video and article:

Anyway, back to the video. This video was very sweet and for me very close to home for what I experienced giving birth to our two other sons. This video is of a child born at 25 weeks and our second son was born only two weeks sooner than that. I get so frustrated that some people out there would think my child was never "alive". I assure you as his mother he was alive before he ever left my womb. I felt such a strong bond with both of my other sons and I get so upset when I think many people would think it's odd I refer to having two other sons. Does a mother who loses a child at any age all of a sudden say they have one less child? NO, they have the same amount of children and one just happens to have passed away. As far as I'm concerned I am a mother of three beautiful boys two of whom have passed away.

If you don't agree that my two sons who passed were really alive I feel sorry for you. Heaven forbid you ever have to experience going through what I have been through. I did not choose to have problems with being able to get and stay pregnant. I bet I took better care of my body than many people who have healthy "normal" pregnancies. I often feel gypped because somehow my body is defective and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I even had someone tell me once that they hope they never have to have problems with their pregnancies... guess what.... me too. I didn't choose to go through what I have and I have to deal with the heartache and depression of my reality every day.

My point of this whole post is that I'm coming out un-apologetically saying I have three sons. So if you ask in the future I'm not going to hide the truth or feel bad for being honest. I love my kids and I shouldn't have to lie to try to not make someone feel awkward that my story isn't all puppies and roses.