Life Lately

So, I’ve been debating on how to write how I’ve been feeling. Life has been CRAZY! I’m in my final masters class and will graduate at the end of June. Alex and I are getting another beautiful puppy (Boe) and we couldn’t be more excited. Alex just started a 2^nd job with Home Depot and is making progress on deciding what to do for school and his future. I am still interviewing and looking for a new job. I have been lacking motivation to do much else but I’ve been forcing myself to complete projects around the house and I even signed up for a fitness class starting next week. I have been on some different medications for my asthma and it is kind of messing up my weight, but I’ll get it back in order. I have been trying to get off some medication my OBGYN gave me after January and it is really messing up my hormone levels so sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind. The interesting thing is that despite everything else most of the time all I think about is kids. It causes me to feel very sad because I have such a desire to be a Mom and although I have two perfect boys its hard to not see them every day. I try to not feel angry that they aren’t here with us and I’m trying to build my faith in the Lords plan for me. I usually do okay but every day is a struggle. I feel silly that I cry at formula commercials, when someone’s kid smiles at me, or when I hear someone yelling in the store “mommy”. I even get a little tear when I see some toddler being naughty. I’m not writing this so people will feel sorry for me or offer advice (PLEASE NO ADVICE). I have been counseled to write my feeling down regularly and I have no reason to hide how I feel from other people. I have tried ignoring going to my Mom’s pre-school because I just want to steal the infants (LOL). Alas, the pre-school is part of my life and my job. We are so blessed in our lives and I know many years down the road we’ll see what we learned these past two years but it isn’t always fun learning these kinds of lessons. We do not need advice from anyone other than the Lord and as much as we appreciate those who love us they aren’t us so they don’t get to understand what we know.

I have learned some great truths through these past two years. I remember wanting to better understand the Gospel but I didn’t know the price we would pay to be taught what we know now! I know there is SO MUCH more we have not been taught in the church as a whole because so many people would not be able to handle the truth. We understand some precious truths about the strong bonds that are made with a Temple marriage. We have a greater understanding of who we are and who our family is! I’m thankful for the knowledge I have and hope some day the church as a whole will be ready for these great truths.