Move Forward

So lately I've become obsessed with Pinterest (follow me). It's REALLY addicting. I have also been working on finding a career that will allow me to work from home. That way no matter what future decisions we make we'll have financial stability. Then when we have kids I can stay home with them and if I get pregnant I can be on bed rest and still work! Alex and I have both been trying to better our financial situation and build our relationship together. I am almost done with school (1 class left) and I'll have my MBA.

I have been thinking a lot about life and how so many things get thrown our way. On Sunday I was reminded that when we put our lives in the Lords hands and we do what He has asked us to do things will work out. I am compelled to take steps in my life that don't always make sense but they always provide an outcome that works (even if I don't like it).

Alex and I have a lot of decisions to make in the future but I'm glad we chose each other to share eternity with. I can't imagine ever going through life without him!

The Answer is NO!!

About two weeks ago Alex and I had discussed what we would like to do going forward for our family. We both felt like adoption was the best option for us right now and knowing how long the adoption process can take we started taking steps to get going on an adoption. I started looking up some ways to help fund the adoption because it is a lot of out of pocket cost compared to being pregnant with insurance. We started filling out paper work and contacting a lawyer. We had all the pieces in a row ready to put the puzzle together, then somehow the pieces we had thinking the puzzle was complete it was all wrong.

We don’t know what we’re going to do now, but it looks like its not going to be adoption right now. I have never had such a strong answer to my prayers. We prayed about our decision and went forward with it and just yesterday we got our answer. NO! I am upset that we had taken so many steps and had even got some funding in place but none of it got too far that we couldn’t stop or reverse it. We hadn’t spent any of the funds so they were returned to those who had given them.

I don’t like feeling so lost. I wish we knew what we were supposed to do now. I’m trying to focus on school and finding a new job and hopefully we’ll figure out what steps to take next!

LOVE!

We all have our moments: of self-pity, self-doubt, anger, sorrow, and jealousy. I try to avoid these feelings but the other day when I was getting sick I noticed myself walking through the store feeling sorry for myself. It was not a feeling I like to feel. I feel selfish when I do feel this way. I wanted to give a piece of comfort to all those women and men who have held their perfect child (or children) in their arms sobbing, hoping, and wishing they would just breath and live. Those men and women who will never forget those perfect ones even when the rest of the world does. Those men and women who know those perfect children lived even if some people don’t believe it.

My words of peace are this: they were perfect! So perfect that they couldn’t stay with us on this earth with so much pain and sin. They were perfect and that means that as their parents we have perfect children waiting for us. They were perfect and as their parents we somehow earned the trust of God to have these perfect children. God knows us, He would never let us suffer something we couldn’t handle. It isn’t easy but after this life when we reunite with our perfect children we’ll feel his grace, mercy, and LOVE!