Best Year Ever

A lot has happened since my last post. I had to come home for a bit from staying up in Oklahoma City with Melina. I knew once I came home I'd get sick, and I did. I couldn't see Melina for over a week due to being sick. During that time she grew like a weed. 1/2 a pond a week. She started being bottle fed a little at a time at a month old and took to it like a champ. After a few long weeks of learning to bottle feed she could finally come home. I was excited and nervous to have her home. Now that she's been home just over a week things are going great. She got released on December 29, 2015 at 5lbs 10.6oz, 7 weeks old, (36 weeks gustation). She is now 6lbs 9oz and 2 months old.

Today is our sweet son Daren's 3rd Birthday. I can't believe how grown up he is getting, it honestly feels like he was just his sisters age. He was great through this whole process and is excited (as we all are) to have our whole family home. He's already the best big brother. He loves learning new things are playing with his toys (cars, puzzles, and coloring). 

I have been learning how to balance my time with both kids and my husband. I have also been working at getting our home back in some sort of normal order. Being so sick during pregnancy and limited to what I could do, then being away for nearly 2 months our home got crazy. It'll take some time to get it back to normal but it's great to have us all home. My husband ripped out all of the carpet in the bedrooms and the he redid the wood floors that were underneath, they looks great! It's lovely having a handy husband. I have also applied for a teaching position with Murry State Community College, it would be all online work so hopefully it works out. I would love to teach adults and it would be great for my schedule. Coincidentally my husband should start classes with Murry State this next week. Things are going well at the Ray house and 2016 will be the best year ever! 

Baby Bump (Melina's Birth)

November 29, 2015

I finally feel like I have a moment to share the ups and downs of Melina's pregnancy, birth, and life story so far. We have been wanting to add to our family for a few years now and we finally spoke to a doctor in Ada, Oklahoma named Bryan Roehl in April of this year. He was able to run some test and find out why I wasn't getting pregnant. This is not new to us, we have struggled to get pregnant the past two times I have been pregnant and have needed medical help to get pregnant. Thanks to PCOS I struggle with infertility. He did a Sonohysterography (saline infusion sonogram) to see if my tubes were blocked causing issues with getting pregnant, sure enough my right side was blocked so he unblocked it and by May 20th we knew we were pregnant again.

We had to have some genetics testing when I was 11 weeks pregnant and every thing came back normal. We did find out at that point that we were having a girl. It was very exciting. Once I was 13 weeks I went in for surgery to have a cerclage put in, the surgery wasn't bad but it took over 13 times to get a good iv in me for the surgery. When I went in for the surgery I was actually already 1 cm dilated. I had some contractions at 15 weeks but was able to get them to stop. I started Mekina progesterone shots at 16 weeks. They really helped me and I didn't have any more contractions for a long time.

When I was 27 weeks on October 27th I started having contractions again. I put off doing anything till the next day and when I called my Dr he told me to go up to the OU Children's Medical Hospital in Oklahoma City, OK to be checked out. I was in preterm labor but they were able to get everything to stop. They decided at that point to keep me in the hospital until I had the baby just to be safe. They gave me two steroid shots for the babied lungs to develop and put me on magnesium to help prevent cerebral palsy. On November 2nd I had contractions again, this time they determined I was dilated to 4 cm and removed my cerclage. Alex and I were so worried I would immediately go into full on labor after that but the contractions stopped again. A few days later my mother in law Cathy flew in to help care for Daren. I felt good for just over a week thinking I might actually get close to 35 weeks pregnant.

Then on November 9th at 10 pm I started having contractions again, we thought they stopped but at 2 am the next morning I noticed them again and they were only 2 minutes apart. I got ahold of Alex and he drove up from our house (over and hour drive) to be up here. I was 6 cm dilated and they knew this time they couldn't get the contractions to stop. We had an ultrasound done and Melina was in a good position to do a normal birth. I got another shot of steroids for her lungs. I was so scared of getting a epidural but still asked for one and it was not placed in correct place and caused me to feel horrible. They then realized Melina had flipped and they wouldn't deliver her breech. So we then knew we had to do a C-section. Alex got to the hospital about 20 minutes before they wheeled me back for the C-section. They did a spinal tap that way Alex could be back there when Melina was born. She was born on November 10, 2015 at 5:35 am at 29 weeks and 1 day. She weighed 3lbs 1oz and was 16 in long.

She was taken directly to the NICU and Alex went with her. I got moved to a recovery room and realized why I was so scared of a c-section. It has been an interesting experience to recover from. One of the hardest parts for me to comprehend is that they did what they call a classical incision on the uterus because Melina was so small and that means they never want me to have contractions in the future for fear the incision will tear. The biggest problem with that is I have contractions so early in pregnancy, so I basically can not get pregnant again. I'm coming to grips with this new reality but it was something we have considered may happen because of my history.

I have been able to stay in Oklahoma City at the Ronald McDonald house near the hospital and this has been a great experience. I miss being home and spending time with family but I have felt it was important to spend this time with Melina to encourage her to grow. She has done very well with her breathing and eating. She is not being bottle fed yet but she has been slowly growing. She hasn't had any major medical issues so far and it is very encouraging to see her being so strong. He nurses say she is feisty and a "rock star" for her size. We are just excited to have her come home as soon as she is able to. We sure do love our sweet baby girl Melina Launie Ray!

The Road of Infertility

So, it's national infertility week. I felt I needed to post something here, but I haven't know what. As many people know I struggle with infertility. What most people don't know is exactly how that affects me and my family. We have been lucky enough to be pregnant twice (both ended in early term labor and neither baby survived), once as soon as I got off birth control and with no other medical help and the second on medication to help. The two doctors I have had said the first pregnancy is abnormal for me because since then I can not get pregnant without medical help. We are blessed to have one amazing and healthy son whom we adopted just over two years ago.

What most everyone doesn't know is that since I was 18 I have known that I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and that it was likely I would struggle with infertility. I even had a doctor that told me way back then I may never have my own biological children and I told my husband this when we were dating. Lucky for me he comes from a family who understands and embraces adoption. What I didn't know is how emotional that would be for me once I was ready to have kids, wondering every month if I could finally be pregnant again and finding out at age 27 that I likely also have endometriosis. We have not been able to have the surgical test to prove the endometriosis but I suffer from many of the classic symptoms and since there are many different symptoms between PCOS and endometriosis the doctor who told me I have it is very confident in her diagnosis. We have had to decide going forward what is the best thing for us to do to grow our family? We have great medical help where we live and many of my doctors have been confident with medical help we can get and stay pregnant until the baby is healthy enough to be born. This gives us hope. We are also confident in the adoption process since that has worked for us before. 

I don't have all the answers for myself or my family and we take things one day at a time and hope we follow the path we should. My hope is that my struggle with infertility and infant loss will give someone else hope or at least help them not feel alone. I hope that this week has helped many understand and at least gain some compassion about infertility.

Road Repair

I can't believe its August already! I feel like this year has flown by for our little family! Daren is growing up so fast. I haven't had a lot to write about the past months so my blog has suffered. However, I watched a video this morning that really got me thinking.

First, let me say I LOVE my son with every fiber of my being. I feel that everything that happened in our marriage that had to do with having kids and where to live lead us to be his parents. He's the most amazing child and I can't imagine my life without him. I assure you we were ALWAYS meant to be his parents.

This is the video and article:
http://www.freeflys.com/blog/2014/08/dads-video-premature-sons-year-breath/

Anyway, back to the video. This video was very sweet and for me very close to home for what I experienced giving birth to our two other sons. This video is of a child born at 25 weeks and our second son was born only two weeks sooner than that. I get so frustrated that some people out there would think my child was never "alive". I assure you as his mother he was alive before he ever left my womb. I felt such a strong bond with both of my other sons and I get so upset when I think many people would think it's odd I refer to having two other sons. Does a mother who loses a child at any age all of a sudden say they have one less child? NO, they have the same amount of children and one just happens to have passed away. As far as I'm concerned I am a mother of three beautiful boys two of whom have passed away.

If you don't agree that my two sons who passed were really alive I feel sorry for you. Heaven forbid you ever have to experience going through what I have been through. I did not choose to have problems with being able to get and stay pregnant. I bet I took better care of my body than many people who have healthy "normal" pregnancies. I often feel gypped because somehow my body is defective and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I even had someone tell me once that they hope they never have to have problems with their pregnancies... guess what.... me too. I didn't choose to go through what I have and I have to deal with the heartache and depression of my reality every day.

My point of this whole post is that I'm coming out un-apologetically saying I have three sons. So if you ask in the future I'm not going to hide the truth or feel bad for being honest. I love my kids and I shouldn't have to lie to try to not make someone feel awkward that my story isn't all puppies and roses.

MPG

I have had little opportunity to blog as I am home in Oklahoma. The main problem I face is that we have no internet at our home here. I can access a slow roaming version of the internet on my phone and that’s it. We made the choice that unless I can find a career that allows me to work from home online we will not pay for the internet because the price is so much higher than if we lived in the city and the service is still slow.

The past month Daren and I have been able to go to Runaway Bay, TX and visit with my parents there. We then traveled back with them to Mesa, AZ and visit with family and friend here. Daren and I are so lucky to have this opportunity. He loves being around his family and friends here and loves all the other kids being around him each day.

While I have been in Arizona I have been searching for a career that I can do from home and it is proving to be more difficult than expected. However, I will continue to press forward as I strive to have a career that allows me to put my family first!

Daren grows so much each day and I’m amazed at how much he learns from others. I wish we could have more opportunities for him to be around other kids more often in Oklahoma because he thrives being around his peers. However, he does love being home with his parents and puppies and playing outside on the many acres we live on.

I tried to take as many pictures as I could of him playing here and enjoying his time!

NOW for the picture OVERLOAD!!!

Loose Gravel

I've been trying to think of what to share since I've been out here in Oklahoma. Some days being here feels like I'm back in Alabama on my mission, only because I'm so far from friends and family. I miss being "home" but being here has taught me a lot and it's growing on me. 

Since we got here Daren has grown a lot. He was crawling like a swimmer when we got here and now he's almost walking. He is so smart I'm amazed at how much he understands and how funny he is. He turned 1 on the 10th of January and I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. He's truely the most amazing gift in our lives! 

Our dogs LOVE it here because they have so much room to run and play and lots of birds and critters to chase. 

Alex loves his job and is learning a lot about the oil industry here. He works so hard to provide for us. He is studying hard to take the CDL test soon so he can be a driver for the company he works for. 

We stayed local for the holidays. We had the missionaries over for Halloween since we live too rural for trick or treaters. Next year we may have to go into the city if we're still in this house so Daren can trick or treat! 

We went with the Coggins/Martin family for Thanksgiving (this is the family Alex works for). They have really helped us feel welcome here. I got to make pies for the dinner. I missed some traditional items I'm used to at the dinner and I missed making rolls and pumpkin rolls, but it was a lot of fun. 

It also snowed before Christmas and that was a fun and interesting adventure! 

For Christmas we all went down to Arlington, Texas to spend time with Bonnie and Ed (Alex's aunt and uncle). We had fun but Daren didn't sleep well, so neither did I. Luckily we were only there one night so it was fine. Despite the lack of sleep we all had fun spending the holiday with family! 

For Daren's birthday we didn't do anything crazy, we had home made pizza and chacolate cake (Daren loves pasta or bread with red sauce and chocolate). He likes food in general but always eats everything when it has a red sauce. 

The other day we have Daren his first hair cut! 

As far as my life I'm the primary chorister and have been workin hard to get things ready to teach the kids the beautiful music for the year. I love being able to stay home with Daren. He is such a joy for us! 

I can't believe the holiday season is over and it's nearly spring! Happy 2014! 

Road Trip (and a permanent stay)

Well, most of y'all know our little family moved to Oklahoma for a great job opportunity that Alex got. This is mainly going to be a TON of pictures of the area. 

But first.... Why we moved. Obviously living so far from friends and family isn't the ideal situation, and I personally always wanted my kids to grow up around family. Well, Alex had a job loss and was working an okay job but he had a strong feeling we should move out of state. So we kept applying for other jobs in different areas. He got this job here in Oklahoma and came out in July to find out if it was a good fit. 

This whole time I was skeptical about moving but I also felt like Alex would know the best thing for our family. He loved the job, the people, the area, EVERYTHING! So, we started looking for a place to live here. It took over a month of searching for a place to rent and to find renters in our AZ house but at the last minute when we literally almost gave up we found both a place to live and renters for our house. 

On October 1 we moved into our SUPER RURAL home on 4 acres. The home needs work and I was sad at first because we put so much work into our other house and I felt like we were starting all over, but the home has grown on me. After being here a few weeks I too feel like it is the right place for our family! 

Now for picture overload!!

The drive to get here, Alex drove the truck with Boe. Alexy (my niece, she came to help), Daren, Skie, Edith, and I drove the car! 

The house.... 

The beautiful land... Our yard etc... 

What I see on my drive to "town" for groceries! (About 30 minutes)

The dogs LOVE the large yard!! 

Edith kept freaking out about going outside and we found these in the yard... Fresh deer tracks... I guess we know why she kept going crazy!! 

Flip a U

How to Properly quit your job!

So, I was having a conversation with a friend today about how so many people don't understand how important ending your job properly is. In the off chance that someone doesn't know this here you go! (Obviously there are some exceptions to some of these rules but in general these rules apply!)

#1 If you provide for yourself or someone else don't quit without a new job lined up. Not just a job idea or interview but an actually start date for a new job. It can take months to find a new job and unless you have a healthy savings it isn't wise to just quit because you don't like your job! 

#2 You're not Donald Trump, give a two week notice! This is vital if you plan to use them as a reference. Also, if you think you may ever want to work for the company again. Many companies will consider you non-rehire-able if you don't give two weeks! This also reflects to your new employer what kind of a person you are (reliable, respectful, trustworthy, etc.)! 

#3 BE RESPECTFUL, always give a typed letter to your boss. Use kind words when handing in the letter! 

#4 Ask for a reference letter. This will allow you to kindly ask your manager to write what kind of employee you are. This also gives you contact info when references are needed! Some jobs require these and if you already have them it make life much easier down the road! 

#5 Finally, Although you may be ready to move on continue to work hard during your last two weeks! Again, they will be a reference for you and you always want to finish strong!

Remember when you quit your job follow these 5 steps and you can achieve more successful career paths! 

Getting Ready to Move

I've been struggling on what to write lately. Our family is experiencing lots of changes. Alex got a job in Oklahoma so he's there living and working and D, the 3 dogs, and I should be joining him soon. 

I don't know how military wives do it. I have such a difficult time being apart from my husband. I always told him I wouldn't want him to have a job he is gone a lot for because I already waited for him for over three years! (LDS missions) 

I have planned to start packing up the house so we can move. I think I'll have a lot to get rid or before we move. Garage sale! 

We will miss be so close to family but we feel this will be a great opportunity for our family. I am a bit scared about how or if we'll be able to grow our family out there! However, I know it'll all work out! 

Our Baby Story (Fresh Pavement)

December 14, 2012

So I had kept a written journal on this blog about our adoption store I had it saved on here but no where else and the other day somehow it all got erased. I was distraught! I could not bring myself to re-write it. That was until today, I felt very strongly that I should do my best to re-write what was there. I decided it is so important I'm going to try to write as much as I could remember. I even had pictured but I will do my best to get those back up as well.

Back in July I was still working for my Dads business and he had a client come in and she was talking to him about her grandson and his girlfriend. She stated that her grandsons girlfriend is pregnant and they are looking for someone to adopt the baby. The mom was about 14 weeks along. My dad mentioned Alex and I and by that Saturday I had a phone call from the mom. I remember during this time we had a few other people mention to us people that may be wanting to talk to us about adopting a baby. The day I talked to the Mom I was so anxious and giddy she could even tell how excited I was over the phone.

We arranged to have dinner together the next day and I was SO nervous! I was worried they wouldn't like us. We didn't know how things would go. So we went to dinner and we all got along wonderfully. We then waited to hear what their decision was.

A few weeks later I invited the birth parents to came to our home for dinner. Alex was working two jobs so he wasn't able to be there. It was a crazy day for me that day and I had a lot of other things come up but I managed to fix a fairly nice meal and we spent a lot of time together. While they were over they told me they wanted us to have the baby!

It was all surreal we had no adoption paperwork filled out we hadn't even talked to a lawyer yet. We quickly got all the classes, meetings, and paperwork done! It took a few months and during that time we were getting to know the parents even better!

Around August 15th we found out how sweet of an experience this is! The birth parents and their family have been referring to the baby as ours! I cried the first time I read a text from the birth mom saying something about the baby being ours.

I was sent this picture in a text that read "Say hi to your baby" It was so sweet. She had not had a real ultrasound before this point because of insurance issues. She wasn't feeling well and had gone to the hospital and while there they checked on the baby!

On September 25 we went to the Dr with the birth parents for their first official ultrasound. Up to this point we had no solid due date and I was sure the baby would be due in January or February some time but we we're sure. During the ultrasound we found out we are adopting a little boy, due January 18! We really felt like it was such a blessing to have this opportunity to see his ultrasound and to be a part of the experience! We were so excited and shared this news with a few people. We all felt like the baby was a boy but you never really know until it's confirmed.

We took some time to decide on a name and just a few weeks ago I was talking to the mom and told her what we had decided! Daren Alexander Ray, they affectionately call him little D! I also had the opportunity to talk about some of the birth plan for the hospital. I was happy to hear her plan was basically what we wanted!

This is the Ray Family Cradle that we have ready for Daren when he's home! It's so cute, Alex even slept in it when he was a baby! There is a few beautiful blankets my Mom made and a beautiful bumper that Alex's sister made!



December 16, 2012

Only 1 more month until out baby is due! I can't believe it! The past few weeks have been so slow and I hope this time waiting will go by quickly!!

We had a day at work where it was extremely slow so I had time to make this blanket for him. It's covering the swing we a borrowing from my brother because the swing is pink!

December 19, 2012

Last night the mom text me and told me Daren was measuring around 8 lbs already! Today she's about 1 cm dilated and she's going in for an ultrasound. This anticipation is crazy for me and I feel like I'm losing my mind over it! It is especially different to be hearing these things from someone else and not going through it myself!

December 26, 2012

So the mom was dilating last week and I was going crazy thinking Daren would be here soon! Today they invited me to go with to have an ultrasound to really measure his size. It has been so nice to be a part of the process. I debated on going but decided it would be best if I go because he is our son and I should be here for him. After the ultrasound was done I knew he wasn't as big as they were thinking and that the Dr was way off. Come to found out he's only 5 lbs! They aren't changing his due date but the Dr said he won't let him go past his due date of January 18th! So if all goes as planned He'll be here then!

This is one of the Ultrasound pictures from today, His hand!

January 2, 2013

Happy New Year! Happy January!! Baby's Due Month!!

I can't wait for Daren to be in our home! In only a few short weeks he will be home with us!! SO EXCITED!!

January 3, 2012

About 9:30 pm tonight we got a call that the birth mom was having contractions. So we hurried to the hospital and after about an hour they sent her home but on bed rest. She has high blood pressure and goes the Dr on Monday the 7th and they will be inducing her next week if her water doesn't break!

January 4, 2013

I just got the mail and were finally officially certified to adopt! Perfect timing too! It only took about 4 weeks to get notified and the courts finished it in about 2 to 3 weeks! It's great to know how quickly they get things done because that means finalizing the adoption won't take too long!!

January 7, 2013

So, I jut talked to the birth mom and she's being induced on Friday the 11th! I've been so nervous and anxious but I'm extremely excited! The funny thing is I get one week off work and then I have to go back. It's going to be so interesting and scary to go back to work. But, Alex will be home with him for a few more weeks after that so I'm glad they will have bonding time!

January 10, 2013

Last night the birth mom let me know shes contracting again. We went to the hospital about 9 pm to see what's going on and to have her monitored again. Around 10:30 pm she was admitted into a room. She slowly progressed to 10 cm dialated throughout the night and finally got there by about 5 am the this morning! It was a long night but all so worth it! The mom did great, she was able to relax and wait for the dilation to get to a 10 with the help of an epideral. She would have had the baby with the nurses if they would have let her because as soon as the dr got there she had the baby in 3 contractions! At 5:44 am on January 10, 2013 Daren was born! He was 5 lbs 11 oz, 18 & 3/4 in long. He was perfect. He cried as soon as he was out and I got to watch the whole thing and text Alex play by plays. I got to cut the emboli cal chord which was such an interesting experience! Then I was given the privilege of being the first to hold him! Then his birth dads mom held him and then his birth dad. I then followed him and the nursery nurse to have them check on him and get him all ready. I was able to get Alex and he could finally see him for the first time! We were given our own room at the hospital and Daren stayed with us. We've continued to keep the lines of communication open with the birth family. I feel SO BLESSED to have Daren in our lives and in our family!

January 13, 2013

It's official we came home Friday from the hospital and today the papers got signed! We feel so blessed to have Daren in our family!


Here are some photos we took with Daren a few days after he was born!